I was sent this gem of bad sex today for a book I am putting together on Real Life Funny and Crazy Sexual Experiences from a guy called Mike. Tell me what you think:
It was the summer of 2003 and I was young and dumb and full of spunk, in more ways than one. My friends and I had picked up a group of random girls and brought them back to my shore house to play some drinking games and hopefully persuade them to get naked.
After a few games, a few drinks and a great deal of flirting, it was pretty well established who was going to make out with whom. I drew Noelle. I found her intriguing, especially since I caught one of her friends referring to her as "Blow-elle." Something told me this night was going to get very interesting. I had no idea how right I was.
We all went up to the beach around two in the morning for some late night skinny dipping. Noelle and I crept back to my place after a little while and headed straight to my bedroom. I'd had a one night stand the summer before, this was different because I had no intention of seeing Noelle after this night. The last one night stand, I had been hopeful of seeing the girl again and didn't catch on that she was only interested in one thing.
We started off by stripping each other down. Everything came off very slowly and we were both really making use of our hands. The room was completely dark so the energy was very high since neither of us knew exactly what the other was going to do next. The moment I had been waiting for was when Noelle finally starting going down on me. She was absolutely incredible. I remember mentally stepping back for a minute and thinking to myself "God, I'm smart. If I hadn't had so much to drink earlier, I definitely would have come already!"
After a few minutes, she pulled back and asked me if I was going to return the favor. Raised a gentleman, I couldn't possibly deny her request, especially after she had just done such a wonderful job going down on me. I worked my way down between her legs and went to work. I had only gone down on one other girl, whom I had dated for about a year, so I didn't think myself a pro, but she seemed to enjoy it. I was smart enough to follow her body language and quickly discovered that she liked it harder and faster. Much harder and faster. I leaned in and gave her nearly everything I had... and that's when I got what is still one of the strangest requests I've ever had.
"Oh, yeah baby... I want you to bite my clit!" WHAT?!?!?!? Did I hear that right? I actually had to stop and ask her what she just said. She grabbed the back of my head and pushed my face back down and repeated herself. Jesus, are all girls this wild when you go down on them? Remembering that my ex was very reserved in the bedroom, I figured I'd just go with it. I started to nibble a little bit and she started moaning and arching her back, writing in pleasure. She started pulling my face down harder and told me to bite harder, so I did. After a minute or two of nearly chewing on her, I could feel the muscles inside her vagina start to spasm as she had an orgasm.
She pulled me up on top of her and very graphically told me to start pounding away, so again, I obliged. We went at it for a good fifteen or twenty minutes before I finally finished. I hadn't been sure if I was holding on because I was so curious to see what would happen next, or if I was too afraid to finish because I was afraid of what would happen next. We collapsed back onto the bed and laid there for a couple minutes, sweaty and tired, but both seeming very satisfied. The air smelled of nothing but sex, so I needed some air.
The bathroom was just outside my door so I went in to splash some water on my face. I nearly shit myself when I turned on the lights and looked in the mirror. There was blood all over my nose, mouth, cheeks and chin. OH SHIT! I bit off her clit! All I could think was that I bit her too hard and tore flesh and she was bleeding to death because of me. I quickly splashed some water on my face and started scrubbing away to get it all off. When I really started getting my face clean, I realized there was even dried blood in my nose. I figured that while I was scuba diving on Noelle, I must have breathed in her blood and I was totally disgusted... I nearly threw up in the sink.
That's about when blood started coming out of my nose and I realized it had been my blood, not hers.
Please send me your real life bad sex confessions. They can be fun sex that ended disastrously like the above. It can be just terrible from start to finish or it can be freaky or drunken etc. You know what I mean. Sex with a nasty twist. Send your stories to emmakcontact@[remove]yahoo.com
